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Why is It Hard to Be Sexually Authentic?

Both men and women struggle with sexual compulsivity and infidelity. The causes of sex addiction and infidelity are multifaceted and can vary from person to person. Some potential contributing factors include: 

  • Psychological factors: Underlying psychological issues, such as low self-esteem, unresolved trauma, or relationship difficulties, can contribute to addictive behaviors and infidelity.

  • Biological factors: Some research suggests that certain individuals may have a predisposition to addictive behaviors due to genetic or neurological factors. However, more research is needed in this area.

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  • Social and cultural factors: Societal factors, cultural norms, and peer influence can impact attitudes towards sex, relationships, and fidelity. Societal pressures, unrealistic expectations, or exposure to infidelity may contribute to these struggles.

  • Relationship dynamics: Relationship dissatisfaction, lack of intimacy, poor communication, or unresolved conflicts can increase the likelihood of infidelity or sexual dissatisfaction, leading some individuals to seek fulfillment elsewhere.

  • Personal choices and values: Ultimately, individuals make personal choices regarding their behaviors. Factors such as personal values, beliefs, and moral frameworks can play a role in decisions related to fidelity and sexual behaviors.


Remember, sexuality is complex and can evolve over time. It is crucial to avoid stigmatizing or generalizing about people based on their sexual behaviors or preferences. Understanding the complexity of these issues requires considering multiple factors and recognizing the diversity of experiences and motivations among individuals. If someone is struggling with addiction, infidelity, or other challenges, seeking professional help from therapists, counselors, or support groups specializing in these areas can be beneficial. It's okay to take your time to understand and explore your feelings. We can help you

How Therapy Can Help

I can help both men and women with these issues, though most of my clients who struggle with this are men, perhaps because I’m male. Therefore, I have experience to be able to help men to:

  • Feel normal and accept your sexuality, as well as your struggles.

  • Feel your underlying emotions in a safe and supportive place.

  • Clarify what your emotional needs are, especially when it comes to sexuality.

  • Assertively communicate your psychological needs underlying sexual desires.

  • Navigate how to have a greater authenticity and alignment between your desires and their core values.

  • Destigmatize and not react in shame when talking about gender issues.

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  • See women more in terms of relationship instead of mere sex objects.

  • See women as individuals rather than representatives of an entire gender (deconstruct gender and sexism).

  • See women as unique people to know rather than trophies or status symbols.

  • Identify your own worth that is not dependent on gender prescriptions.


While outcomes are completely dependent on the work you put into therapy, my hope is that therapy will produce these results:

  • Greater ability to identify underlying emotional needs.

  • Having a strategy to align their desires and values.

  • Having accountability to help them delay their sexual gratification.

  • Less frequent reliance on porn or forms of sexual gratification for happiness.

  • Score better on sexism inventories.

  • Score in a more flexible range on gender role comfort scale.

  • Redefining for themselves what it means to be a man.

  • Writing a vow for their romantic partner that expresses desire for equality.

In addition to therapy, I can offer sexuality quizzes and assessments.

  • 1. What is psychotherapy?
    Psychotherapy, also known as talk therapy or counseling, is a collaborative process between a trained therapist and an individual seeking support. It aims to explore thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and experiences to promote personal growth, emotional well-being, and address specific concerns. Psychotherapy encompasses various approaches, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy, psychodynamic therapy, and humanistic therapy, tailored to meet the individual's needs.
  • 2. How long does psychotherapy last?
    The duration of psychotherapy varies depending on several factors, including the individual's goals, the complexity of their concerns, and their progress throughout the therapeutic process. Some individuals may benefit from short-term therapy, consisting of a few sessions or weeks, to address specific issues or provide immediate support. Long-term therapy may span several months or years, focusing on deeper exploration and ongoing personal development. The therapist and individual collaborate to determine the appropriate duration of therapy based on their unique circumstances.
  • 3. How do I find the right therapist for me?
    Finding the right therapist involves considering several factors. It's important to seek a licensed and qualified therapist with expertise in the specific concerns you want to address. You can ask for recommendations from trusted sources, such as healthcare professionals or friends who have had positive experiences with therapy. Online directories and therapist matching platforms can also help you find therapists in your area. Additionally, it's crucial to feel comfortable and have a good rapport with your therapist, so scheduling an initial consultation or phone call to assess the fit is recommended.
  • 4. Do you accept insurance?
    For mental health issues, we accept Blue Cross Blue Shield and affiliates (CareFirst, Anthem, BCBS Federal Employee Program, etc.) and Cigna or Evernorth. HOWEVER, please note that to qualify for insurance benefits, therapy must be related to a mental health diagnosis, like anxiety, depression, PTSD, etc., that has medical necessity. Most insurance plans do not cover relationship or sexual issues. Yes, it is sad considering that these are often the primary drivers for mental health issues. Please do not ask us to bill your insurance for relationship or sexual issues without first contacting your insurance company to check to see if your plan covers it. (We don't want to keep asking them.) Also, we cannot make up a diagnosis either, as this is insurance fraud and can cost us our license and result in serious penalties. Plus, insurance companies occasionally audit psychotherapy notes to ensure that treatment is related to the reported diagnosis. You can always choose to skip insurance and pay for therapy out of pocket. This will maximize your privacy and widen your pool of therapists. Thank you for your understanding.
  • 5. Is psychotherapy confidential?
    Confidentiality is a fundamental principle in psychotherapy. Therapists are legally and ethically bound to maintain the privacy and confidentiality of the information shared during therapy sessions. However, there are a few exceptions to confidentiality, such as when there is a risk of harm to oneself or others, child or elder abuse, or when a court order requires the disclosure of information. Your therapist should explain their confidentiality policy and any exceptions during the initial sessions.

About Dr. Luttrell

Dr. Luttrell can help you reconnect and realign with your truth authentic self by restoring emotional intimacy with yourself, partner, family, business, or spiritual relationships. He believes that understanding emotions are important to overcome obstacles of shame, fear, or shame-based cycles of addiction. His focus areas tend to be on romantic relationships, sexuality, the impact of hurtful habits, and spirituality.

Dr Thomas Luttrell

"Dr. Luttrell is very professional. He strives to obtain the most helpful resources for clients and keep up to date on relevant approaches to aid clients in their therapy journey. He is friendly and approachable and highly empathic."
- Vanessa Q. (former colleague)

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